I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
