Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
