Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
