she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
