Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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