I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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