my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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