Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
