The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
