I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
