I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
