Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
