I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
