I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
