How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
