go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
