He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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