Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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