As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
