Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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