I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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