did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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