I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
