I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
