those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
