I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
