They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
