I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
