just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
