Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
