Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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