i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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