I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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