i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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