i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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