it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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