Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
40s are totally the cure
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
