You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
