She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
