He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
