I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
