Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
