I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
