The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
