My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
