please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
