i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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