I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
