either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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