Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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