I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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